You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
