They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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