We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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