She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
