i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
