You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
