You're so nebulous sometimes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
sex in a hospital.. check
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
