hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
