How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
