I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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