he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
