I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
