then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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