He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You are the jesus of drinking
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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