you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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