the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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