I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
