i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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