I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
