I wish my penis had an off switch
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
