Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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