I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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