We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
