No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
