I am puke
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
