Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
