i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
