Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
