I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
