oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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