people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
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Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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