if only i could text you this smell
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
