I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
