after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
