he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I FOUND THE LEGS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
