That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
