peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
