i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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