I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
