Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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