When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
