In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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