Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
