If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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