I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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