I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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