Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
