Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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