life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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