we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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