it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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