Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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