Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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