well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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