Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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