There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
