Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
