when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
