there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
