some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
