I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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