dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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