I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
