I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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