we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
