Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
