Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
