Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
