I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
