Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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