I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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