I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
