my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
