Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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