the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My feet surprised me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
