I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
smell my finger.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
