Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
