I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There are leaves in my underwear?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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