Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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