No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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