You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
